You Have Green Hair
佚名 \/ Anonymous
Hurt feelings between people can be very upsetting. How should you respond when someone comes to you complaining about being “put down” or insulted by someone else?
Psychologist Jack Canfield has a good suggestion. Say to the complainer, “Suppose I were to say, ‘Joe, you have green hair.’Would that make you feel bad?”
He’ll probably reply, “No.”
Ask, “Why not?”
His likely reply,“Because I know I don’t have green hair.”
You say, “So What I say to you needn’t affect how you feel. What you believe about yourself is more important.”
Add, “What if I say, ‘Joe, you are mean and selfish’? That statement can only hurt you if you have doubts about whether you really are mean and selfish. If you are clear that you are a warm, generous person, then you won’t be hurt because you know what I said isn’t true.”
“Anytime you feel upset about what someone says about you, or something you do, it’s because at some level you doubt yourself in that area.”
“If someone says, in effect,‘You have green hairs’and you know you don’t, there’s no problem.”
“If there’s some truth in what the person says, view it as feedback or information you can use for self-improvement.”
Suggestion: When people feel insulted, tell this story and ask if they have green hairs.
人与人之间的感情受到伤害时，总会心烦意乱。当别人向你抱怨他受到“羞辱”或被别人侮辱时，你该怎样回应他呢？
心理学家杰克·坎菲尔德有一个很好的建议，即对抱怨者说：“如果我对你说，‘乔，你长绿头发了。’你会感到难过吗？”
他的回答可能会是“不”。
如果你再问他：“为什么呢？”
他的回答可能是这样：“因为我知道自己不会长绿头发。”
这样，你就可以说：“所以，我的话并没有影响到你，最重要的是你对自己的看法。”
接下来，“如果我这样说：‘乔，你既小气又自私。’你会怎样？如果你对自己是否小气和自私很怀疑，那这种观点才可能会伤害你。如果你清楚地知道自己是个热心又大方的人，那你将不会受到伤害，因为你知道我所说的不是真的。”
“任何时候，如果别人所说的关于你或你所做的事，让你感到不安，那是因为在某种程度上，你对自己的这个方面也有些怀疑。”
“如果有人对你说‘你长了绿头发’，而你知道自己没有，那就没有什么问题。”
“如果别人说的有些道理，你可以将它视为某种反应或回馈的信息，用来提升自我。”
建议：当别人感到备受羞辱时，说说这个故事，并问他们是否长了绿头发。
任何时候，如果别人所说的关于你或你所做的事，让你感到不安，那是因为在某种程度上，你对自己的这个方面也有些怀疑。
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